Posts Tagged ‘God’

Well, I’ve been putting this off long enough!  To be honest, this part of the story is not something I feel very excited about telling.  There are a few reasons for this.  One, it’s not funny (well maybe a little funny).  Two, it brings back some painful memories.  Three, it doesn’t paint me in the best light.  Four, it brings up some hard to answer spiritual and emotional topics that are hard to deal with.  Five, I cry like a baby in it. Six………………Well, I could keep going, but I think you get the point.  You might ask  ”Well, why are you sharing it then?”   I would respond  ”Because it is part of the story and that as painful as it was, there are millions out there that have gone through something this painful and millions more that someday will.  I’m not sure if my story has any answers or cures to life’s woes but I know there is a certain consolation in sharing these stories with each other and knowing you are not alone.  Sometimes just knowing that someone else has been through something similar to your situation is enough to give you the courage to keep fighting.”  That’s why I’m sharing it.

Up until this point in my story I have been pretty strong.  I had held it together and gotten through these different life challenges with my head held high and somewhat still optimistic.  After the first set of ordeals (brain tumor, meningitis and cancer),  my life was better in quite a few ways.  I felt grateful to be alive,  I was optimistic about the future and I thought the worst was behind me.  I met my wife and we even worked together in a Christian ministry for 2 1/2 years as I trained to be a minister.  Life was good and I could see a reason for the things that I had to go through to get where I was.  When you can understand a reason and see a good outcome to a hardship it makes it so much easier to accept and surrender to.  You would think, that as I sat in my hospital room that night, I would be able to reflect on these thoughts and be resigned to what the future might hold.   I was not.

I left you in Part 11 on a Saturday night.  My family and friends that came to see me had all left and I laid in my bed very afraid of what would happen to me next.  I remember praying diligently that I would be strong enough to deal with the road ahead.  Even reminding God of that scripture where he says “I will not give you more than you can handle” ( In case he forgot that promise………) I honestly did not sleep one wink that night.  My skin hurt all over like a really bad sunburn and I was starting to itch all over. That coupled with the fact that the hospital ward I was in seemed insanely loud.  I don’t know if it was the burn unit or what but I remember constant crying, screaming, yelling and alarms going off all night long.
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