The next morning, our last day in Disney, I woke up to my kids talking to each other. I sat up in bed and just looked at them. There voices sounded normal. I couldn’t believe it. Matter of fact, I didn’t believe it. I put on the radio, it sounded normal. I was so excited and happy but I still didn’t say anything to my wife because I was afraid I was mistaken. What if it was still messed up? About 15 minutes later I told my wife. I then shared with her the whole story about the prayer I had prayed. She didn’t seemed impressed. I was shocked and in awe that God had actually performed a miracle for me and answered my prayer. She just smiled and said “Of course, he does that all the time”. I just looked at her amazed at her faith. ”Not like this” I said. We went home later that day and I was one happy camper.
For the last 5 years things have gone pretty smoothly. Normal life stuff. Nothing to write a blog about. I’m happy about that! I don’t know the why behind all the things in this story and I doubt I ever will but part of me thinks this last story was so very important to me and my journey. You see as you could probably tell as I told the story, I was growing increasingly more and more negative. Many times I doubted if God existed . Other times I thought “Well if he does exist, he’s kind of a jerk”. Other times I thought “Well if he does exist, he could care less about me”. For me this last act was huge. I know many of you who are reading this might be thinking it was just a coincidence and God had nothing to do with it. I just happened to pray that prayer the night before my hearing was to return to normal. Believe me, many times I have even thought that myself. But I keep coming back to that prayer that I said. I laid it all out like I never had before. I told him that if I were to see him work immediately then there would be no question in my mind. He did exist and he does care about me. He is involved in my life and working and moving. The next morning, I woke up and was cured. You might think it was a coincidence but I like to believe it was something else.
Since that time in 2005 life has been good. My girls are getting bigger everyday. I’ve had many fun and happy times with them. More than I can count. I’ve had great times with my wife who is my best friend. We bought a house that we all love and feel lucky to live in. I feel very grateful. Very grateful.
I had someone ask me once if I had any regrets? Would I go back and change something from my past if I had the power to do so? Without even thinking about it I said “No”. I wouldn’t change a thing. Brain tumor,cancer,bacterial meningitis,Toxic Epidermal Necrosis,headaches,shunt even depression. Those things have all worked to make me who I am today. They have all brought me to this place. It feels good to be here. I don’t want to leave this place. I’m afraid that if I were to change one thing in the past then that would change where I am and who I am right now. I like this place. No thanks. I’ll stay right here.
I’m not sure what the future holds. I’m not sure if I’m out of the woods yet. I pray daily that none of my girls take after me with health issues. That’s my biggest fear. Every time one of them says they have a headache I get scared. I’m hopeful though. It’s out of my hands. There is nothing I can do. About me and my future or about them and their futures. All we can do is the best that we can and at a certain point we all come to a point where we are to weak to handle things ourselves. Some people never get to that point until they are lying on their deathbed. Some people have too many of those moments through out their lives. I do believe that if we can look at those moments with the right perspective we can learn a lot about ourselves and the people around us. There were many times during this story that I thought I was cursed. Now as I write this story out, I have a different view, maybe I am one of the luckiest people on earth. I think it’s matter of perspective.
Like I wrote earlier in the story, I’m writing this to those of you out there that will read it and get something out of it. I’m not even sure what you will get out of it and I have already received many emails from people who were touched, moved or inspired in ways that I had not anticipated. I do pray for those of you out there that are in a dark place. I’ve been there and know how how sad and lonely it can be. I pray and hope that you can and will come out the other side and end up in a place that is good to be in. A place that you yourselves don’t want to leave. Take Care, Steve
Steve & Brenda with Sarah,Melissa, Jillian and dog Tucker
Thanks for this.
Wow Steve,
I can’t even say anything else. Just Wow.
We have been avidly reading your blogs and feel you are a truly inspirational person to have gone through all your trials and to have come out the other side without being bitter. We know a little about the awful trauma of life threatening illness as our 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with Leukaemia two years ago. We spent 8 months in hospital with her whilst she underwent chemotherapy. She is still in remission and doing well but that experience has affected and still affects our lives. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and we wish you and your family continued good health.
Thanks for sharing your story Steve. You are an incredibly strong individual! You have my respect for having the attitude you do after having gone through what you did. Inspirational!
Take care.
Steve, Thank you for the poignant reflection of your journey so far. Your mother was kind enough to allow me (and I’m sure others) the privilege of learning from your trials. I do know the depths of depression and you so eloquently expressed them. I also am beginning to understand the power of God through the Holy Spirit. Again, my thanks.
I stumbled upon your site a few years ago and purchased some of your books but I never read any of your blog post until today. I’m really glad I did. Thanks for the courage to share your story. It was an inspiration to me.
Blessings
Hey Steve,
I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t know you were blogging about your personal history with cancer and depression.
I feel very blessed to have an awesome brother-in-law such as yourself! It’s been so much fun working with you on this website! You have made it a fantastic resource for many people.
Talk to you soon,
Mike K.
PS> Who took that awesome picture of your family???
)
Thanks Mike. http://www.laurakleinphotography.com as if you didn’t know…………..
Hello Steve,
Your life has been an incredible journey! So many people live the horrors of life and can never share the experience. Thank you for sharing and teaching us the value of God, family, love and perseverance. Your strength, your family’s strength is a wonder to behold! To ultimately realize a happy ending is your final blessing!
Well, I just got around to reading the last few installments and was totally blessed to see how God healed you and that you aren’t afraid or ashamed to give Him the glory. Your website and contributions to SOTW are always informative and interesting, although you really haven’t been much help in me losing my mouthpiece G.A.S.!! LOL
God bless you.
Thanks Honeyboy. I appreciate the thoughts and well wishes. Steve
Steve,
I just stumbled upon these posts after downloading my monthly lessons. It’s a stunning and humbling story that makes me feel utterly unworthy of my good fortune. Never again will I complain about my petty travails and trivial inconveniences.
Good luck to you in the years ahead. No one deserves it more.
Mike
Hi Steve, I have just read ‘As funny as a brain tumor!’ in two sittings this afternoon, (I’m over here in London), I couldn’t put it down, so to speak. Wow, I can’t believe one person went through all that. Your story made me laugh and cry and it really would make a good film, espeacially as you have come out of it so strong. I am sure you have a long, healthy and happy life ahead of you now. All the best to you from the UK Steve. Justin.
Thanks Justin. I appreciate the well wishes. The doctors are actually talking to me about back surgery now…………..It never ends.
Steve,
I had already noticed that you are a “nice guy” on the SaxOnTheWeb forum. Your comments were always constructive and you tried to help everyone there with their challenges.
After reading this story I understand that you are really a great soul. Being able to share your experiences, even the darkest moments, so that people can learn from it is a great gesture. And not an easy one.
I am happy that things worked well for you in the end, and that you have such a great family.
Thank you for sharing this and for sharing your knowlege in the musical area too.
CvS
Thanks Cristiano. That means a lot to me. Thanks for hangin in there and reading the whole thing. I hope you are doing well with any challenges you might face now and in the future. Steve
Steve,
I have been visiting your web and enjoying your clips for about a year and it is only now that I bumped into your other topic. Fascinating reading. I can make a qualified guess at what an ordeal it must have been. I got my share too. In 1991 I spent 5 months in an intensive care unit on artificial ventilation, completely paralysed. In spite of all odds I got through that and I am blessed with three sons and a loving wife.
Congratulations. Your attitude is admirable. By the way, my father was a surgeon and my mother was a neurologist. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, God Bless you and your family.
George (Bratislava, Slovakia)
Hey George,
Great to hear from you. It sounds like we have had similar experiences and have come out on the other side………You have 3 sons, I have 3 daughters. It’s good to know there are people in the world in the same boat as ourselves. Keep in touch. Steve
Hi Steve. Hope you are ok now, after the back surgery. Really an inspiration! I always thought of you as a Great Sax Player and now a Great Human Being. God Bless you and you family.
d.
Hi Steve,
Thank you for sharing your story, and reinforcing to me that God brings good out of the awful things that happen to us sometimes. I’ve had a rough few months – Lost my job, got hit by a car while cycling (nasty injuries, won’t go into details), and then my bro-in-law rolls and destroys our only car. But I’m restarting my music teaching career, have discovered that I have some amazing, caring friends, and my husband is supportive, loving and funny. We also found ourselves one night searching though my old Bible for answers, and found the passage that you mentioned earlier on about not being tested beyond what you could bear. We felt at our limit too. But we left things with Him and slowly we are getting back on track too – and finding things to smile about each day. Thank you for sharing your story. You reminded me of the things I already knew, but we forget so easily.
Jennie
Far North Queensland, Australia
Dear Steve,
I definitely find your story to be very inspirational and I feel like that’s a huge understatement in my opinion but I can’t think of words to describe how I feel better than that there are no words. I haven’t been through all the physical ailments as you but I definitely relate to how you talked to God with sincerity and he seems to answer when you mean what you say with all your heart and being. I know that no matter what God allows me to experience I will be happy til the end and this is confirmation of it for me. I also know God knows how much I can handle. That does worry me a little because I think I have an idea of what I can and can’t handle. But your story is absolute confirmation for me that God is very real and he does love us. I just pray that I don’t have to go through all that you have. I hung on every word of your writing and it felt like I was right there with you. Staying positive regardless of the outcome is very important. Even if the outcome isn’t good news. There is always good news and it is that there is a God and He does love us. Thank you for reminding me like this.
Sincerely,
Brandon (Bellingham, Washington)
Thanks so much for the feedback and comments Brandon. It’s great to hear that my story has impacted or encouraged someone else out there. Keep the faith, Steve
Hi Jennie,
It’s so great to hear from you. I’m sorry that you are going through this tough time. I do believe that those times will make the better times later even better for you. Sometimes I think back to those rough times and it reminds me to be grateful for what I have now and how lucky I am. Finding things to smile about each day is huge. I pray that things will get better and you can look back on these days and just shake your head in wonder someday. Keep smiling. Steve
Steve,
You’ve helped me re-new my faith. I’ve felt ‘cursed’ for 20 years since my wife died of a malignant pituitary tumor. I also work in oncology and cellular biology and see these horrible things day in and day out.
I’m still a professional musician and appreciate the gift, but don’t think I’ve ever been honest enough with myself to think I’m ‘cursed”. The story was bad, but things are OK. You’ve got a lot of courage and, by the way, God’s got your back!
I think I’ll have a long and open talk myself. You’re an inspiration and I admire your humility. Take care and keep on playing!
Marty
Thanks Marty. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I know it’s hard to face things and really get in touch with what your feeling. It’s scary. I wish you all the best and thanks for the well wishes and encouragement. I really appreciate it. Steve
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Reading your story was like listening to Blues tunes; blowin’ my blues away, in a good way.
It was also inspirational and a bonding moment for me with my teacher, yourself. You are not just a guy in a lesson video anymore!
I just finished reading all this at 5am! I live in Panama city, Panama (central america) and i have read many of your reviews about mouthpieces, saxophones and music culture and wisdom in general. I´m more than impressed. I have to thank you for taking the time and courage of sharing this with all of us that follow you as musician. The wisdom, joy and faith that are builded after going through this kind of experiences are priceless and I believed that God is giving you back all the time, energy and happiness you thought you had lost throughout that entire situation. Im very touched by this indeed. Thank you so much! God bless you.
Ness
Hi Steve. I just read your amazing story in one sitting. Wow. You wrote it in a refreshingly honest and straightforward manner. Most of us have never gone through the type of life experiences that you have, but I think if we’re honest, a lot of the feelings and frustrations you shared are so human and common to us all. I believe God is big enough to handle and love us through our hardest questions, doubts, and disappointments. I’m so glad he restored your hearing to normal. I am also glad that you share your talents and gifts with our church family. Praise God for you and your family.
I was your student for few months last year , as a sax improvisation beginner, from your youtube samples . I notice your kindness , enthusiasm in teaching each lessons .
Apparently only today I find your amazing story and read all through the end. Your story will be a best seller at Amazon !
I am so lucky and so proud to have you as my teacher and hero .
Bangkok ,Thailand
Dear Steve,
I am a teacher and a performer and I recently decided to buy a saxophone. I played extensively throughout elementary, middle, high school and a bit in college. I really do miss it and I felt that, lately, it might add a whole new dynamic to my band, especially being the lead singer.
I was doing research on what was new out there and came upon your review of the Berkeley brand. From there, I found your website and from there spent most of my afternoon reading you story, only to be stopped because I had play rehearsal, and now I am back and have finished!
I am a person with a chronic illness (Crohn’s Disease). I am a teacher. I am a musician. I am a Christian. And I am completely moved by your story. I found myself, at times throughout, speaking out loud, “YES!”, especially at your hospital moments…(not sleeping, the time you had too much fluid and it went south! I am a female and that exact same thing happened to me! I freaked! BWA-HA-HA!). My point is, I share so much of your life and your passion for music and teaching and I want to say thank you for writing that. What courage you have inspired within me! A renewal! An affirmation and such a lovely gift today.
Thank you, Steve. God bless you and your beautiful family. May you have all the success that your heart desires.
I will be buying one of your books to get back into the swing of things on the saxophone. I think I have decided upon a Berkeley Tenor…we shall see. And I will be checking in from time to time to see how you are doing. Thanks so much.
With Respect and Adoration,
Aubrey Caldwell
Akron/Canton, OHIO
Hi Aubrey,
It’s great to meet you. I love to hear from people that can relate to my story! I feel bad that you and I have to go through stuff like this but I feel blessed to meet others who through faith and courage have lived through a variety of illnesses. I wrote my story to perhaps encourage others but in truth I have been encouraged by all the feedback and prayers I have received from writing it. Thanks for writing to me and being so encouraging. Stay in Touch, Steve
Thanks so much Peter. I feel blessed to be able to teach students like yourself that are all over the world. Thanks so much for writing me and being such an encouragement. I really appreciate it. Steve
I finally got the surgery I needed in the emergency room as the docs determined I had cauda equina syndrome and would have been paralyzed from the waist down. I’m doing much better now and your story was a good inspiration to me. I had no insurance but must have been at the right place at the right time. I commented on your blog before I had surgery so its nice to see a little hope and prayer go a long ways. Thank God for walking on two legs. Its one heck of a privelege.
Sincerely,
Brandon Keith of Washington State
Hi, Steve.
I’ve been working with your fantastic books for months now and am enjoying seeing the improvement in my playing as a result. I just discovered your blog and read it in one sitting (it’s so compelling, I don’t know how anyone could stop reading). Thanks for sharing your story with such honesty and openness. I’m very touched by it. I really hope your hospital days are behind you now. Best wishes to you and your family.
Thanks John. I appreciate that you took the time to read it. I can’t tell you how many people tell me they started at 11:30 at night and the next thing they knew it was 1 AM. I hope my hospital days are over also. I had some weirdness in December with dizziness and other symptoms. Had a whole bunch of tests done but they never figured out what it was. It just went away on it’s own………..Anyways, thanks for sending me the “good” vibes and wishes. I appreciate it. Steve
Well…. Yours were some ofthe earliest posts I read when I started with the sax a few years back. I remember thionking who/what is Nefertiti…. Eventually the real name caame through, the mouthpiece reviews…. Incredibly helpful as I started my personal sax journey.
Just discovered this. Wonderful that you’ve come through. Wonderful that you kept your faith and have been able to witness it so well. Wonderful that you’re blessed with such a fabulous family. My faith has lapsed a bit – I still believe but haven’t worsshipped for quite a while. Time to get back in I think. Your experience of the faith/prayers mirros my own, evne though it wasn’t such difficult circumstances.
Thanks for sharing!
Go well, God Bless! Kev
Thanks Kev. I appreciate the encouragement and thoughts. I’m still going through health issues to this day and struggling to keep my faith through it all. I could probably add some more chapters to the story but it’s hard to do that when you don’t know the ending or diagnosis. I have a feeling by my symptoms that I still might have a few crazy medical stories to add before this life is over………..Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to write to me. I really appreciate that. Good Luck finding a community that you can worship with and have tight relationships with. I believe that is very important to our journey. Steve